Daily Horoscope
Aries ♈︎*
March 21 – April 19 · first to read it, first to ignore it †
Oh, Aries, you magnificent ram you! Today the stars are practically screaming at you to slow down, but of course, you won't, because you never do. Mercury is doing something totally irrelevant to your life, but sure, blame it for all your problems today. You'll probably stub your toe and declare it the worst day ever, which, honestly, is peak Aries energy.
The good news is that Mars, your ruling planet, is giving you a little cosmic pep talk today. The bad news is that you'll use that energy to start approximately seven new projects and finish exactly zero of them. Your enthusiasm is truly something to behold — like a golden retriever chasing its tail, endlessly entertaining for everyone watching.
In matters of love, you'll convince yourself that being aggressively charming is the same as being romantic. Spoiler alert: it's not. Your lucky number today is 7, not that you'll pause long enough to notice any luck coming your way. Take a deep breath, Aries — the world is not, in fact, a race, even though you treat it like one every single day.
* Past performance of the universe is no guarantee of future results.
† Certified accurate by the same people who certified nothing else on this page.